Tonight I present to you a couple of recent one-liners that Mrs. Guy has had to suffer through. I'm not proud, necesarily, ... well, yeah, maybe I am, ... but I feel that I need to report them anyway. I do not attest to the quality of said one-liners, but I do promise that they are original.
Number One. The setting - a Super-Target store. Background - Mrs. Guy has been going slightly nuts this year buying up Halloween decorations. Bats, spiders, et cetera. Anything in theme, it seems. And not necesarily the cheap stuff either. Here's how it went down.
[scene opens, Mrs. Guy brings yet another two pieces of Halloween decoration for the Big Guy to decide between.]
Mrs. Guy: OK, which of these to "Welcome" signs do you prefer - the one with pumpkins that says "Eeek", or the on with bats that says "Booo"?
Big Guy: Honestly? I like the one by our door now that says "Welcome".
MG: Yeah, but that isn't Halloweeny.
BG: And your point would be...?
MG: You just aren't in the Halloween spirit.
BG: Boo, humbug.
Number Two. The setting - Wal-mart. Background - Mrs. Guy and I have come to buy some different kind of cat litter suggested by a veterinary specialist (long story). I had dropped Mrs. Guy at the door and parked, then met her in the Pets section. I ended up having to go back to the car to get the piece of paper that had the information written on it. We bought the litter and were leaving. Here's how this one played out.
[scene opens, Mrs. Guy walks out of her way to go through the "Entrance" door while the Big Guy leaves via the "Exit" door.]
Big Guy: Why did you walk over to the "Entrance" to leave? The "Exit" door was closer.
Mrs. Guy: Oh, I don't know. I went in through the "Exit" door, so I guess maybe I was just evening things out.
BG: Ahh, OK. Well actually, I used the "Exit" side all four times I went through a door here.
MG: Why did you do that?
BG: That's just my "Exit Strategy".
And yes, folks, she has stayed married to me for lo these last 15.75 years. Let's hear it for Mrs. Guy, eh?
(So Sis, which parent did I get my sense of humor from?)